Just North of Wrigley Field

posted by James - 11:03 PM

I know everyone is jonesin' for their fix of Just Another Monday Night, but unfortunately both Skippy and I committed the unpardonable sin of missing Raw because of last-minute commitments...

Which only means we didn't take advantage of the technology at our disposal. We're pathetic. We know.

But as a peace offering to whatever higher power (no, not you Vince!) provides us with our weekly wrestling programming, I bring to you a compilation I've been keeping for a few months now.

I've enjoyed "Stone Cold" Steve Austin's work as the Sheriff of Raw. For me, this incarnation of his character has been his best work outside of an every-week wrestling role, and, as usual, I've found what he's said to be imminently quotable and worthy of archiving, especially with the added power of his words being Law.

So, I bring to the Just Another Monday Night faithful, the first installment of the The Raw Law According to Stone Cold or...

The Law Says So...

1. Do something about it. (02/02/04)

2. I'm not coming here to stir you up or nothing. (02/02/04)

3. Pass the favor on to an old buddy. (02/02/04)

4. Enjoy yourself, but don't do anything I wouldn't do. (02/02/04)

5. What's it going to be, I need an answer. (2/16/04)

6. You're in clear violation of Stone Cold's Law, which means I'm gonna drag your little carcass down to the ring and stomp a mudhole in you and walk it dry. (02/16/04)

7. You always have that karate thing, so go for it. (02/16/04)

8. I don't give a rats ass what you think. (02/16/04)

9. Drink a beer. It will make you feel better. (02/23/2004)

10. I fear no spear just like I fear no beer. (3/01/2004)

11. That ain't the bottom line you dumb little bastard. (3/01/2004)

12. The way I got it figured, you got about a 15-20 yard head start. If I was you, I'd turn around and haul ass. (3/01/2004)

13. When you mess with Stone Cold Steve Austin, you mess with the wrong person. (03/08/2004)

14. Don't listen to this sumbitch. You shake this man's hand, and you're saying to the world, "I'm a sellout. I'm a coward. I'm yella. I'm nothin'." Don't shake this man's hand. (03/29/2004)

15. I hope you know what you're getting yourself into. (03/29/2004)

My personal favorites are 2, 4, 7, 9, 11 and 12. I plan to keep adding to this list for as long as Austin keeps his current position.

In this list, I’ve also included the dates when Austin’s edicts aired. If anybody knows of an online resource, where I can get audio clips of any of these, e-mail me and let me know, so I can get the link up here. I also use almost every messenger program out there, so if anyone has them, I’d love to work out a trade of ones I already have.

Hopefully next week, Skippy and I can return you to the banter you expect from Just Another Monday Night.