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Monday, December 13, 2004

posted by David - 1:19 AM


Gah, things have been entirely too topical around here. I guess I'll have to bring about another Waste of Space.

Recently, I was down in Corpus Christi. I was visiting a friend of mine who happened to be getting shackled for life... er... married.

I was in my rental car at one point, and I was following some directions to find the place my buddy was staying. I was cruising down the street, pacing the car in front of me, while trying to read the signs to find my next cross street.

All the sudden, a police officer ran out into the street from cover, flagging me off the road with a stop sign. I swore to myself softly, and cruised off to a little turn-around. The person I was pacing did the same.

Well, the nice lady I was following, in her white pickup, with her local plates, was immediately waved away. As she was taking off, the officer that stopped me came walking up to my car.

He was a little over six foot and looked to be a thousand years old. He had a cracked face worn by the desert winds and a pair of mirrored shades. He had a toothpick in his mouth and his notebook in his hand. All I could think to myself was... OH S&^*.

Don't worry ladies and gentleman, it gets worse.

He sauntered up and asked for my license and registration. I handed over my paperwork, but lo-and-behold, I left my driver's license in my hotel room.

So, this guy had me for speeding, and he had me for driving without a license. I'm sat there trying to explain my situation. When he heared I was following the car he already let go, he was just... "Son, If that car drove off a bridge, would YOU?"

Luckily for me, I have my license number memorized, so he left to run my record. I was left sitting there in my white rental, thinking of what a Texas jail cell would be like.

Moments later, he came back and started bawling me out. He told me that I'd better be careful. The area I was going ~15 over in was a school zone (Not currently in effect however). He told me never to follow or mimic a Texas driver again as they're "a bunch of idiots speeding everywhere." And that if I did continue to follow them it would be "entirely likely that I would end up sailing off a bridge."

At this point, he detached my ticket and prepared to hand it over to me. The whole time I was very polite, and I just had a hung-dog look. Just before I grabbed the ticket though, he pulled it back and said, "tell you what I'm gonna do."

He scribbled VOID WARNING across the ticket, and then gave me my copy. He then informed me that if I ever so much as thought about speeding around Corpus again that he would "haul my kiester into the slammer and let me sit there until after the weddin'."

So, somehow I managed to talk my way out of a ticket, in Texas, as a tourist. That, my friends, was an interesting experience to be sure.

Next up, I'll probably tell tales about my fun night at the sobriety checkpoint the night of the bachelor party. Until then, this has been a...

Waste of Space.

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